In this TED-talk, the American writer Leslie Morgan Steiner talks about the secrets of domestic violence. Leslie is not a psychiatrist, a social worker or an expert in the subject. She does, however, have a story to tell. As a 22 year old Harvard graduate, Leslie had just moved into her own apartment in New York City for her first job as a writer and editor at Seventeen magazine. But she also carried a big secret: her husband had threatened to kill her more times than she could count. You might not think of Leslie as the typical domestic violence survivor, having a B.A. in English from Harvard, an MBA in marketing from Wharton Business School and having been married for 20 years with three children. This illustrates one of her main points: domestic violence can happen to anyone.
"Why did she stay?" is a commonly asked question when it comes to the subject. In order to give an answer, she starts talking about the stages of the "domestic violence pattern". The first step involves threat of violence to see how the victim reacts. In Leslie's case, her abuser bought several guns to "protect himself", although it was really a message for her. Secondly, the abuser strikes. This could be everything from small comments, pushes, punches or beatings, to severe cases of violence that in worst case lead to death. The last step is apologizes, promise of change and gifts. When this stage is over, the cycle repeats itself. So why did she stay? The answer is simple: she did not know he was abusing her. Leslie rather considered herself a strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man.
I find it simply shocking to realize how difficult it is for domestic violence victims to recognize that their relationships are abusive. And even if they do realize it, it might not make it easier for them to leave. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, a number that makes it more understandable why victims choose to stay with their abuser. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children. So how are you supposed to get out of an abusive relationship? In the talk, Leslie repeatedly emphasizes the importance of breaking the silence. By telling the police, your neighbors, friends and family or complete strangers, you protect yourself and make it more difficult for the abuser to continue with the abuse. However, not only the victims can do something to prevent this from happening. It is very important that we bring domestic violence to light, talk about it and make ourselves aware of all the visible signs and patterns that exist. It is EVERYBODY'S business.
"Why did she stay?" is a commonly asked question when it comes to the subject. In order to give an answer, she starts talking about the stages of the "domestic violence pattern". The first step involves threat of violence to see how the victim reacts. In Leslie's case, her abuser bought several guns to "protect himself", although it was really a message for her. Secondly, the abuser strikes. This could be everything from small comments, pushes, punches or beatings, to severe cases of violence that in worst case lead to death. The last step is apologizes, promise of change and gifts. When this stage is over, the cycle repeats itself. So why did she stay? The answer is simple: she did not know he was abusing her. Leslie rather considered herself a strong woman in love with a deeply troubled man.
I find it simply shocking to realize how difficult it is for domestic violence victims to recognize that their relationships are abusive. And even if they do realize it, it might not make it easier for them to leave. Over 70% of domestic violence murders happen after the victim has ended the relationship, a number that makes it more understandable why victims choose to stay with their abuser. Other outcomes include long-term stalking, denial of financial resources and manipulation of the family court system to terrify the victim and her children. So how are you supposed to get out of an abusive relationship? In the talk, Leslie repeatedly emphasizes the importance of breaking the silence. By telling the police, your neighbors, friends and family or complete strangers, you protect yourself and make it more difficult for the abuser to continue with the abuse. However, not only the victims can do something to prevent this from happening. It is very important that we bring domestic violence to light, talk about it and make ourselves aware of all the visible signs and patterns that exist. It is EVERYBODY'S business.
Interesting post on an interesting and very important issue that also fits right into our topic this week since we focused on women's rights.
ReplyDeleteGood perspective on the matter. She really tells an interesting story, clearing up a lot of misconseptions about domestic violence. You've written a good summary of the TED talk (although I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not).
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